I like to write eloquently on a computer or on paper. But it
is amazingly difficult to translate these ideas into verbal communications when
speaking to another person. Then add to the fact the sense of dread that
freezes these ideas when involved in a social interaction with a person. I become reclusive as a result. There were
many times in high school where friends would invite me to parties and girls
would playfully flirt with me. I pretty much stonewalled on these interactions
and shied away from them. The failure was not on my wanting, because I wanted
to party with my friends and was desperate to correctly respond to the flirty
advances. But I didn’t know how to do so nor was I aware of why. So most of my
life in high school was withdrawing myself from everyone and reading or writing
random or academic notes. In fact, I found my social need satisfied writing random
nothings and school essays.
Staring at a sheet of paper was an intimate conversation
with one’s own mind and translating it into ink. No stressful interactions, no miscommunication
between the thoughts and vocal ideas, no need to decipher the movement and
words of the recipient of your ideas. It is just you and your notes. But
something miraculous happened in the twenty first century. Social media
provided a venue for Aspies, like me, to interact without the burden of dealing
with social cues of individuals. Random chatrooms became havens because I didn’t
feel the need be careful of my words to the recipients. Strangers whom I never
met were perfect to speak on my thoughts and emotions. These were people who
would respond like humans but you would never meet. And you were just a random
name or number to them. The anonymity of the internet allowed me to understand
and craft social skills that would help me interact offline with friends. Celebrity
chatrooms, 4chan, and then Reddit became perfect places for someone like me to
open up and overcome my social deficiencies. In later years, Facebook and
tumblr helped the transition from conversing with digital accounts to real
friends who would converse on and offline. My diagnosis and treatment of
Asperger Syndrome also helped with the transition to have healthy
relationships and communication. It was in the latter years of my Bachelor
studies and grad school where I finally had friends, fell in love, and survived
the fallout of both.
Social media helped me and probably other Aspies in their
journey to be among the neurotypicals (NTs). It wasn’t the exclusive tool I had
to talk with NTs, but it was essential to do so. While I like to be reclusive,
I now venture out into society to fill my need to communicate with other human
beings. We are social creatures and Aspies are no different. It is just a
matter of finding a way to channel the ideas swimming in our heads.
